5 common mistakes when exploring fetishes for the first time and how to avoid th

When you're new to something, you're bound to make mistakes. It's one of those things you should be okay with before you start experimenting. You're going to make mistakes and that's ok! Learn from them, handle them properly, and grow. This is how we become complete people.

That said, it seems silly that countless people would repeat the same mistakes over and over again, over and over again. One of the great things about human beings is that we are able to learn from other people's mistakes as well as our own. Understanding why and how someone stumbled can help you avoid the same pitfalls.

Too many things at once

This is the first of a few similar mistakes that people new to the BDSM world often make. In this case, we're talking about trying to fit too many things into a game scene at once. I know, there are all these fun and interesting things you've been introduced to, you want to do all of them right away!

If you try to cram too many different activities into a single game scene, it will become overwhelming. You'll be fumbling, trying to remember all the things you wanted to do, and you'll end up wasting valuable time worrying if you've done them all. It will interrupt the flow of the scene, undermine your confidence, and not be much fun for everyone involved.

Avoid this mistake by selecting between 2 and 5 activities that you want to do. 5 is probably too much for too many sections, but it really depends on the type of game. If you are doing a crash section, selecting 5 different styles of implements seems reasonable. On the other hand, if you decide to go for electric pranks, sounds, an elaborate shibari tie, forced orgasms and fire suckers... well, you'll quickly find yourself in trouble.

The problem with the above scenario is that each of these activities takes a while. There's a lot of setup for one activity. Elaborate shibari bows can take half an hour or more to complete. The setup you need to do fire cupping safely is different from the setup you need to do bondage or polling.

The other problem is that the scene can become disjointed. Ideally, you want to have activities that work together or flow into one another. Shibari and wax play are a traditional combination. Bondage with handcuffs, ropes or leather restraints can work with just about any activity or it can be the star of the show. You'll learn which activities work best together based on your own personal style (as you develop it) and what you observe others doing.

Overconfidence

Many people enter the world of BDSM thinking that everything looks easy. I mean, how hard can it be to hit people with a stick or wrap them in ropes?

The answer is that there is a lot to learn. Yes, some activities are quite simple. Hitting is pretty simple when you think about it, but even so, you'd be surprised how many people screw up. Warm-ups are important for an enjoyable impact game. Without one, pleasant pain can turn into annoying pain very quickly.

Avoid this mistake by being humble. Many things are not as easy as they seem. Before engaging in an activity, read about it. Take a class if you can. Kinksters love to attend workshops. Even those who have been practicing for a long time still attend various workshops. Even though it's an activity you might know a lot about, you still learn new tips and tricks by seeing how others do it.

Without confidence

You're young, you're nervous. It's not uncommon, all the experienced ones were once new. It will be hard to find someone who is completely confident doing something for the first time, but a little nervousness is different from having no confidence at all.

If you're not confident in what you're about to do, you're going to make mistakes. You can become so preoccupied with not being perfect that you will sabotage yourself. You can forget what comes next, you can totally freeze when giving or receiving a request.

Avoid this mistake when doing your research. Attend some play classes and parties. Observe others and see which aspects you like. Learn as much as you can about an activity before trying it.

Practice. Pads are fantastic for practicing your goal hitting game. Most practitioners learned to use a whip by hitting a pad. Same for reeds, plantations and pretty much anything you can think of.

Insufficient communication

Talking about our problems can be difficult, especially when you're young. As time goes on, it gets easier and easier, so do your best to get past the first few awkward conversations. In the beginning, people often skip over important pre-scene communication points, either because they get nervous talking about it or because they don't realize it should be discussed.

It's about to happen, you're in the middle of a scene and something comes up that they haven't talked about yet. Sometimes it's okay to just ask mid-scene and other times it can spoil the mood or even cause the scene to end. Miscommunication is common, so don't feel bad if (when) it happens to you.

Avoid this mistake by talking about the section a few days beforehand. This will give you time to think things through and ask the questions that pop into your mind at 3am. Some people may even find it better to plan several conversations before the scene, adding a little to the negotiation each time. Don't forget to go over things on the day of the session to make sure nothing has changed and the two of you are still on the same page for what you discussed.

High expectations

If you've been fantasizing about BDSM for as long as you can remember and finally got the chance to try it out, you may have some unrealistic expectations. If you go into your first scene expecting everything to be perfect, you're going to be disappointed. If you expect your partner to be able to read your mind, you're going to be disappointed.

Avoid this mistake by managing your expectations and learning about the reality of BDSM. There will be times when things don't go exactly as planned. Your partner will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. Learn to deal with it, laugh if necessary and keep going.

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