6 steps to talk about fetishes with your partner

While having sexual fantasies, kinks, and cravings is totally normal, you might feel awkward talking to your partner. Most of the time, it's out of fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ashamed of your fantasies in the first place.

It can be as scary as it sounds. We live in a very sex-negative society. It sucks, but it is what it is. This means that your partner may not react positively to your fetish or kink and you may end up leaving the conversation feeling judged, alone and very ashamed.

How your partner will react is completely out of your control. That said, you can increase the likelihood that things will go well. Making some conscious choices about this conversation can help things go smoothly. That's why we bring 5 steps to talk about fetishes with your partner.

Find the right time

Revealing problems to your partner is not something you can do at any time. You must find the right moment when you are calm and relaxed. It's best to avoid talking about your fantasies and kinks in the rush of everyday life. For example, sharing with your partner over breakfast that you want to buy a big sex doll to spice up your sex life is not the best idea.

In case it needs to be said: don't plan on having this conversation during holidays or special events. A regular, daily schedule is great but not in the midst of day-to-day business. Putting him on a holiday or event can increase the stress level, and if the conversation doesn't go well, it can put a damper on future similar events.

Be tactful

Remember that your partner may react negatively or even get offended. Especially if your only fetish experience is what is available in the media, he may only have negative stereotypes about it. That's why you have to be tactful when expressing your fetishes and desires.

There is no point in disclosing it to your partner if you decide not to do so in a respectful manner. Choose to mention why you would like to try it, what you would gain from it, how it would benefit you, how it could improve your sex life, etc. In general, once people experience the lighter versions that are enjoyable and aren't as unpleasant as they thought they were, they are more open to the heavier versions.

Remember that you've probably been thinking or fantasizing about this particular thing for months or years. This may be the first time your partner has heard about it. If he's heard about it before, it might have been on an episode of a cop show or other negative media. Especially for people who don't like fetishes or kinks, it may take a while to see the appeal in them and replace some of the negativity associated with it that he might have had in his mind.

Be prepared for any reaction

While your partner may not react negatively or get angry after revealing your issues to him, you should prepare for this anyway. Don't be offended if he thinks you're not satisfied with your sex life or if he accuses you of being unfaithful. Especially when people are faced with difficult conversations or shocking information, they can become defensive. Try not to take things personally.

If your partner seems upset, offer information resources and then postpone the conversation. Nothing productive will happen if your partner views things negatively right now. It's a lot for someone to take in and can take a lot of mental processing time. If your partner seems neutral, don't try to overshare. Even if your partner seems neutral about the whole thing, don't start oversharing to the point of digging yourself a hole. Accept your victory, express your gratitude for him and your relationship for being a safe place where you felt you could talk, and offer information resources to your partner when he has questions.

Don't pressure your partner

After confessing, it can be tempting to start making plans to get things done. After all, you've already revealed your fetishes and kinks to your partner, so you expect it to happen soon, right? Unfortunately, this can have the effect of feeling forced on your partner and nobody likes that. Don't put pressure on her and give her space and time to think about this new side of you. Sometimes, especially if you've been together for a long time, surprising confessions can really take someone by surprise!

Still check again

Once you've made the "big confession", it can be easy to let the experience of revealing your partner's fetishes and kinks fade into the background of sex and not do anything about it. This is how resentment grows. Well, at some point, you're going to have to take the lead. After giving your partner a few weeks, take another one of those quiet moments and ask them if they have any questions for you. Rather than getting to the point where you “want” something from your partner, consider approaching it from a more positive angle: you trust your partner enough to want to be completely open with them in all things. At this point the two are in a better place to talk about it further. Don't be defensive or overly detailed about things just yet. If the conversation goes well, consider offering a light way for the two of you to explore.

Keep Calm

If your partner agrees to try out your fetishes and fantasies, it can leave you feeling a little over the moon and wanting more and more and more! This is quite common. Exploring your fantasies with someone you trust is amazing! However, this can have the (unfortunate) effect of turning your partner off. Not only is this new to him, but now you seem to just want to do the thing. This is a big change and can feel extremely disruptive from what you were doing before.

Instead, try to remain calm about the new possibilities for the health of the relationship. Enjoy the things you used to do before. Have whole weeks without talking about it. I know it's hard, but the point is to show your partner that this isn't an all-consuming thing about you, it's just one facet of you and your sex life together.

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