How ​​to be a better partner in and out of the bedroom

Maybe your current boyfriend/girlfriend told you to improve your game (ouch!). Maybe you've always suspected that you're below average. Regardless, you're here because you think you're bad in bed or at least you could be better. Well, we have good news: it's actually not possible to be bad in bed. Really! That said, it's possible that your communication skills need an upgrade. This guide can help on both sides.

If you need some tips

Got a date in 30 minutes and want stats and tips? Or do you plan on flirting at the bar tonight? These tips are for you.

Listen to your partner's verbal and non-verbal cues

If you're completely ignoring your partner's attempts to communicate with you, and forcing them to do whatever you want, you're a bad partner. In reality, right now, you are not having sex with your partner – you are violating them. Your movement: Tune in to what your partner is saying with words, features, hands and body. Is Elx pulling you closer? Or is he pushing you away? Is Elx moving his hip away from you, or towards you? These body tips can give you an insight into what he likes and doesn't like.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Your partner is not a mind reader. In order for elx to know what you like and what you don't like, you have to tell elx. Communicating can be as simple as saying:

⦁ "This is good! How do you feel?"
⦁ "Yes! This!"
⦁ “A little more pressure, please!”
⦁ “Is your tongue getting tired?”
⦁ “Can you do that thing you were doing before?”

Check your ego at the entrance

If your ego is telling you, "If he needs lube, he doesn't like you" or "If he wants a vibrator, you're inappropriate," tell your ego to shut up. Sex toys and sexual wellness aids are inanimate objects designed to enhance the pleasure of the sexual act.

So if your partner expresses interest in bringing them into the bedroom, your first thought shouldn't be "I'm not good enough". It should be “Wow! My partner wants to experience pleasure with me.”

It usually boils down to three main things

Confidence

Trust is a work in progress for everyone but it's a job worth doing especially if you want to be a better partner (sexual and in life). Trust is key to asking for what you want in bed, getting kind feedback from your partner, and much more. To increase confidence, we suggest:

⦁ repeat a self-love mantra to yourself every morning
⦁ heal your digital spaces and stop following people who make you question your worth
⦁ write a list of things you like about yourself every week
⦁ end a relationship with a partner who brings you down
⦁ try therapy

Communication

Are you noticing a common theme? Communication must happen before, during and after sex, it is extremely important. Before sex, you can talk about:
⦁ what qualifies as sex for you
⦁ your sexual health status
⦁ which pregnancy protection or prevention methods you want to use, if any
⦁ what having sex means, or will mean to you

During sex, you can talk about:
⦁ how you feel physically
⦁ what you are feeling emotionally or spiritually
⦁ what you need to feel safe
⦁ if or when you want it to end

After sex, you can talk about:
⦁ how you felt emotionally and physically
⦁ if it's something you want to do again
⦁ what you need right now (water, food, blankets, etc.)

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is a strong excitement of feeling. In other words, it is the antithesis of apathy. And who wants to make ends meet with someone who isn't thrilled about having sex with you? Specific kinks aside, very few pleasure seekers do. Some ways to express enthusiasm during sex:

⦁ Tell elx you like the way elx looks, smells, tastes and feels.
⦁ Praise him/her.
⦁ Affirm verbally and non-verbally what is good.

If you've recently started dating, try this

Want to give your new partner the 5 star treatment? Keep these tips in mind.

Don't fake orgasm

Faking orgasm is the opposite of communicating what you want in bed. Faking orgasms positively reinforces bad technique. It's harder for men to fake orgasm, but for women, it's more common than we'd all like. If you've faked it up until now, you can have an open and honest conversation. You might, for example, think of saying:

“I really enjoyed getting to know him emotionally and physically. But before we continue having sex, I want to be transparent about the fact that I'm faking my orgasms. It's not that the sex wasn't good - it was! – but I've been too shy to ask for what I need to reach orgasm. Do you think next time it would be okay if I touched my clit during sex?”

Another option is to stop faking your orgasm and start helping your partner bring you to orgasm.

Masturbate

Now that you're having sex, you might be tempted to just let your sex life fall by the wayside. NO WAY! Having a masturbation practice makes it easier for you to know what you like sexually and easier to communicate that to your partner. In other words, solo sex can lend itself to better partner sex.

If you've been together for a few months, try this

There are ways to be a better partner for your new partner.

Start talking more about sex

Specifically: When you're fully clothed. Talking about sex outside the bedroom automatically makes the conversation low risk. Because of this, it can become easier for people to talk about their fantasies, desires, likes, dislikes, and more. You can do this, for example:

⦁ ask your partner if he/she finds an on-screen sex scene exciting
⦁ invite your partner to help you choose underwear
⦁ watch something sexy together
⦁ tell your partner when you feel randomly excited
⦁ share your sex dreams with your partner

Make a yes/no/maybe list together

Whether you and your partner consider yourself sexually adventurous or not, we recommend spending an evening filling out a yes/no/maybe list. Doing this will give both of you the opportunity to talk openly about your desires, which is something good partners give each other space to do.

If you are in a long-term relationship, try this

Do you want to stay here a long time and have fun (in bed)? Try this one:

Listen to a podcast about sex with your partner

Don't have the patience to sit down and scan 300 pages? Put on a sex podcast during your next long trip with your partner. Some sex podcasts to review:

⦁ “Sex with Emily”
⦁ “Why do people like that?!”
⦁ “Sex with Dr. Jess”
⦁ “Lovecast Savage”
⦁ “Bad In Bed: The Queer Sex Podcast”

Walk through an online sex shop together

Seeing which toys your partner shows interest in will tell you a lot about interests and intrigues.